Month: February 2008

  • General musings on life at the cabin

    Did any of you get to witness the total lunar eclipse this past week?  It was too cloudy here that night, very disappointing.  But my goodness, the night before that was delightful.  No clouds at all and a gloriously full moon shone so brightly down upon this frozen forest that my dog May and I walked the full length of the 1/2 mile trail with its three currently live water crossings both out and back without a stumble or a splash, aided only by the lusciously luminous moon.  There was a palpable timeless quality in the bright forest night.  The nocturnal chorus of barred owls calling back and forth: “Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you-all?” was accompanied by an armadillo foraging through crisp leaf litter against a babbling brook background, all with a clarity that seemed heightened by the magical moonlight.  Much to my [and the armadillo's] relief, May’s nose led her elsewhere when I quite closely encountered the armored but peace loving critter, and after a few minutes I moved swiftly away so as not to draw May’s attention.  This was the first middle of the night walk we’ve made successfully all the way to the end of the trail.  Other nights we’ve tried it we’ve only gotten partway, often due to mutual unease inspired by a cacophony of coyotes calling out their eerie song.

    It is easy to tell when turkeys have been foraging in an area of forest.  To facilitate food finding they use their strong legs and big feet to kick leaf litter away, baring the naked soil for acorns, insects or tender shoots.  In doing so, they leave scattered mounds of leaves alongside the bare patches, bringing to mind for me an image of tiny tornados moving across the forest floor.  In snow or mud their tracks are also distinctive, as their three long toes leave memorable marks.  Turkeys can also be very noisy just by their loud rustling through leaf litter, but also their chatter within the flock can be raucous, and is sometimes accompanied by loud flapping of large wings.  Several times during forest forays this week I have come close enough to the flock to glimpse their scurrying forms highly intent upon foraging the forest floor.  Upon noticing me they most often will scatter, some running with remarkable agility and speed along the ground while others loudly flap their way upward to treetop perches in the safer sky.  I’m linking here to a picture I posted of a turkey behind my cabin last spring, since I’ve not yet gotten any better photos of them, their coloring camouflages them extremely well and they are much faster than I am.

    There has been a great deal of activity around the bird feeders right at the cabin enticed by this very wintry weather to come have their fill of food and drink freshly warmed water.  There have also been a number of red and gray squirrels partaking of the these offerings alongside the birds.  The avian visitors this year routinely include members of the following species:  cardinal, chickadee, goldfinch, purple finch, blue jay, junco, white-breasted nuthatch, white-throated sparrow, downy woodpecker, and red-bellied woodpecker.  I love watching this wide variety of birds, and the squirrels, at such close proximity.  Some of them prefer eating right from the ground while others prefer the suspended feeder.  At least one of the red squirrels will sometimes hang upside down from the suspended feeder on one side pulling sides out with front paws while the birds use the other side, undaunted.  Of the birds, some stay in place eating many seeds in a row while others come and go frequently, obtaining only one seed at a time then carrying it off to consume on a nearby branch or tree trunk.  Especially colorful is the scene when they feed with snowy or icy backgrounds.  How happy and fortunate I feel to share this special space and time with all the creatures here, I feel very blessed.

  • Ice Storm Photos 5 – wildlife inhabiting a frozen world


    deer track neatly preserved when fairly firm slush froze solid


    cardinal contemplating the icy world from a dogwood perch


    squirrel pauses while traversing frozen routes through the forest


    well-built arboreal nest survives ice storm pretty much intact

  • Ice Storm Photos 3 – images from the forest


    May under a frozen curtain of dogwood branches


    frozen dogwood shimmers in the sunlight


    one of the trees snapped off by the extra burden of solid ice

  • Ice Storm Photos 2 – pines up in the meadow

    Up the long steep driveway from my cabin is a wooded meadow with some pine trees, here are a few…

  • Ice Storm Photos 1 – mechanical objects

    Having dial-up internet access, uploading a few photos at a time works better; so here is the first installment of photos I took after the recent icestorm.


    the frozen chain and lock atop my long steep driveway from the hilly forest to the flat wooded meadow where I generally leave my car


    one of my car’s frozen door handles


    the ice was about 1/2 thick on the car’s sides and up to an inch thick in the middle of the roof and hood


    sitting inside the car looking out at the frozen world outside

  • A Few Photos After the Snowstorm

    Here are a few images I caught after the recent snowstorm…


    Snowy cedar bough 1


    Snowy cedar bough 2


    Little Abraham the snow kitty


    Emma May forges the trail for us to follow

    I hope to post some photos I took after the recent the icestorm too.

  • Winter Photos of My Cabin in the Woods

    Here are some winter photos of my cozy cabin in the woods, taken in the last couple weeks after snow and ice storms.  You can tell the 2 ice storm photos from the 3 snow storm ones by how low very low the iced branches hung!  I am so grateful to be living here in this peaceful forest sanctuary, no matter the weather.


    southern face of the cabin after the snowstorm


    southern face of the cabin after the icestorm


    western face of the cabin after the icestorm


    western face of cabin after the snowstorm


    south face of cabin after the snowstorm

  • Stand Up and Show Your Soul!


    One of the most calming and
    powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand
    up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The
    light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal
    fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of
    soul in shadowy times like theseā€”to be fierce and to show mercy toward
    others, both, are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.
    Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and
    willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one
    of the strongest things you can do.


    - Clarissa Pinkola Estes, from her essay “Letter to a Young Activist During Troubled Times”

    I came across this quote on the website http://www.soulflares.org/ which, by the way, has some cool soul flare stuff.  You know how some quotes seem to just reach out and grab you?  Well, this one did me, particularly that very first line:

    One of the most calming and
    powerful actions
    you can do to intervene in a stormy world
    is to stand
    up and show your soul.

    A major focus of mine at this time in my life is to uncover, discover, accept, honor, and show my soul once buried under oppressive layers of internalized cultural expectations, some of which were very unhealthy for me.  One of the many ways I am trying to do this is by spending as much time as possible immersed reverently in nature which is where I always feel most alive, joyous, grateful, and spiritually connected; also by living a much simpler, less materially focused and burdened life, embracing a much slower pace in this little cabin in the beautiful peaceful nurturing forest, focusing on gratitude, mindfulness, joy, wonder, love, and compassion.  I am extremely grateful that I have the opportunity and capacity to do this, because I am experiencing the greatest inner peace of my life now, despite my apparent failures in functioning; so much greater inner peace now than while leading a life society deemed successful.  In fact in my case, the internal demand I felt for inner peace eclipsed my desire for prestige, and the spiritual reward I am finding makes my long and painful struggles seem well worth the great cost.

    As part of my own process, I am trying to diminish my involvement with what I see as our increasingly cancerous concrete jungles and damagingly insatiable material desires, both of which in my opinion needlessly degrade Earth and clearly distance me from spirit. I am attempting to honor and embrace the “primitive” wisdom of such things as being more moderate in our apetites; being respectful and responsible residents and stewards of an invaluable natural world in which all things are connected and interdependent; decreasing our consumption of natural resources and utilizing those we do use in more sustainable and ecologically friendly ways; trying to practice kindness, tolerance, respect and compassion toward all; generally considering ourselves as a mere part of – not owners of or lords over – Earth and treating her and one another with an attitude of reverance and love.  I suppose I am taking Mahatma Ghandi’s advice in trying to be the change I want so very badly to see in the world.

    A closely related effort is working to fully accept myself exactly as I am – disability and limitations and all – rather than making futile and damaging stabs at being somone I am not quite but who seems more socially acceptable, as that invariably leads to terminal estrangement from my soul, and can ironically also negatively impact those close to me who still want me to be more fully conventionally functional and traditionally successful.  I am trying too to become more authentic in all my interactions with other people, even though it sometimes results in rejection, disapproval, and invalidation.  Sharing candidly on this weblog is one of the ways I am trying to practice being open and honest with other people as I work to accept, honor and show my soul.  I believe that by doing so I will gradually become much more capable of sharing much more fully whatever authentic gifts I might be blessed with.

    The quote above really speaks to me because others brave enough to risk similarly showing their souls continually inspire my own spiritual journey.  It is my hope that I might contribute to this synergistic effort, inspiring yet others to so shine as well, helping spread this calming and empowering and healing energy far and wide.  I am tremendously grateful for the profound sense of inner peace I have discovered in this process, and I thank all of you who also show glimmers of your soul here in this world wide web!

  • Successful Ventures into the Civilized World and back into the Beloved Forest Sanctuary

    My anxiety levels in general have been much lower in recent weeks, raising my HSP threshold for overstimulation, inspiring me to venture beyond my hermitage in recent weeks.  This positive shift in my mental comfort level has made it much easier and much more pleasant for me to visit that strange realm of places populated by more humans than trees.  I have been sober 13 years but in recent years had basically given up on AA meetings because my heightened sensitivity and anxiety had made such gatherings, once comforting, become painful.  Ironically, I had also given up on yoga classes for the same reason, as proximity to others’ energies shifted from neutral or beneficial to disruptive or upsetting for me.  But, in recent weeks I have been driving into the city on Tuesdays to attend first a yoga class at the YMCA (complete with luxurious hot shower) and then to an AA meeting.  Much to my delight, I am once again experiencing yoga class and AA as beneficial and positive!  And, in the AA meeting I had a happy reunion with an old friend from AA in Florida who unbeknownst to me had also moved here to Missouri!  

    Not only have I had these successful forays out from my beloved sanctuary, but mental fog, angst, and depressed mood have also been keeping their distance recently which feels undescribably wonderful.  I continue to spend significant amounts of time out in the forest here each day no matter the weather and it has been such a sensuous delight.  We have had days in the 70′s interspersed that felt like early summer among cold snaps producing those glorious ice formations and an unusual but delightful 4″ snowfall.  Today I think it got into the 50′s, and very heavy rains from earlier this week had swollen the springs so that they gushed  generously forth, creating a magical babbling brook sound in the creekbed below.  It is always a miracle to me to see running water emanating from a bank of soil and rock.  Today May and I went to the site of the previously frozen waterfall and enjoyed the sound of water falling to the stone basin below while lying upon the soft breast of the earth warmed by the rays of the sun.  Birdsong and woodpeckers drumming and wind through the treetops were pleasant accompanied the sounds of moving water.  I lay on my stomach with my cheek on the earth and soaked in the earthy clean smell of the soil and fallen leaves and the sight of gloriously varied textures and colors of many types of moss and lichen just inches away from my face.  I feel endless gratitude at being able to be so fully embraced by mother earth.