My Mom took this photo of us enjoying the snow at my parents house…

It wasn’t very deep yet at that point, but by now I’d guess there is about a foot that has fallen since last night. Very very pretty! My Dad and I took my dog for a long walk at the park through the snow this morning, and then I went back by myself to cross-country ski. It was such a treat for me; in Missouri even if we get snow the ground is seldom frozen solid enough to permit skiing.

My dog, cat and I are all back at my parents, this time for a winter visit. We have had a beautiful snowfall today which is fun for me since I see little snow in Missouri. Yesterday it was extremely windy so I had to take some lake pictures. I forgot to wear gloves and it was hours before my fingers warmed up again, but wow was it beautiful with the icy winds.

Lake Ontario just east of Rochester, New York

I wrote this entry in November and have been meaning to post it, so here it is at last…

THANKSGIVING

I have felt extra grateful this Thanksgiving season, and I was able to attend two gatherings, one last Sunday with my neighbors here and one on Thanksgiving Thursday with friends 55 miles from here. While I quite enjoy my solitude, it felt really nice to be welcomed so warmly at both of these gatherings and to celebrate with others. My neighbors always have their Thanksgiving a few days early since that’s when their kids can make it, and food at their home is always really good and spirits generally high and it was a nice gathering.

Then a few days later came the Thursday event which was an extra special treat for me.  It felt delightfully restful and revitalizing in contrast to most social gatherings I attend, which often drain me.  It was billed as a gathering of quiet folk, and proved to be so.  I think all 5 of the others there are also HSPs, and the energy of the group was very peaceful and the meal relaxed, and after some time spent watching the fire in the fireplace we did a Yoga Nidra (yogic sleep) exercise.  Together in silence, what a refreshing way for someone like me to be social with others!

Frequently, even when I manage to enjoy more conventional socializing, I still find it draining and I am often ready to leave gatherings long before the others are. But on Thanksgiving day I felt no rush to head out, and left only when the other guests prepared to go, major progress for me!  The peaceful energy, the Yoga Nidra and the time spent together in spiritual silence left me feeling more rejuvenated than drained when I got in the car to drive back home. Delightful indeed!

I have also been very grateful to discover myself feeling remarkably better in recent weeks which makes it much easier for me to enjoy the company of others, as well as life in general!  It feels like in recent months my chronic burden of dealing with painful overwhelm (a truly Sisyphean task for me in recent years), has been lifting and I have significantly more glimpses of joy than despair these days.  It reminds me of how I imagine it would feel to have a piece of heavy furniture lifted off me after being trapped underneath for a very, very long time!

Perhaps this means that I have finally hit upon the combined health regime and modified lifestyle focused-in-nature that really works for me; or that my stars have come into a more favorable alignment, or that the Goddess has smiled upon me, or I have become one with the Tao, or some other spiritual miracle has taken place. Whatever the causes may be, I rejoice in how it feels and hope that it may continue, and I extend my thanks and gratitude out worldwide!

Here are a couple more photos from my recent Colorado trip…

I have been caught up lately in winterizing chores around the cabin so still haven’t gotten caught up xanga-ing, but I wanted to get at least one or two photos posted here from my Oct trip to Colorado.  There was so much majestic beauty there to soak in, and such a nice time of year to visit.  I am grateful to have photos to remind me of the wonder I experienced there, and I wanted to share a glimpse of it with you.  I hope to get back visiting your xanga sites soon!

 
Curious elk baby in the meadows of Moraine Park

Alluvial fan of the Roaring River in Horseshoe Park

Hello xanga friends!

I have once again had a much longer than intended absence from xanga, and have missed keeping up with you all!  I finally got the project I was stressed about last time I posted finished and that was a big relief.  I was pulling together some photos from a trip a couple years back for someone who wanted to purchase them, and ran into numerous technical difficulties along the way as well as just finding it difficult to stay on task.  I have such a backlog of photos to go through in general; perhaps one of these days I will feel caught up, but for safety’s sake I’m not going to hold my breath!

At the beginning of this month I went to Estes Park, Colorado (home of Rocky Mountain National Park!) for my first ever “HSP Gathering” – a retreat focused on being Highly Sensitive People.  These gatherings were co-created in 2001 by Jacquelyn Strickland and Dr. Elaine Aron, and are an excellent way to find fellowship with other HSPs and to learn more about and share about ways of more effectively integrating the trait and shaping a lifestyle that works and feels good. 

I was just delighted by the experience of being surrounded by others who share the inherent blessings and challenges of being highly sensitive in a culture where it is not the norm, and it is often unappreciated!  It was like finding my long-lost tribe; it felt just wonderful to be around others I so readily identified with and with whom I felt so unusually comfortable!  I have struggled so much to positively re-frame my self-concept since becoming disabled, but I realized I still have a ways to go.  I discovered that when a number of people there at the Gathering who are in so many ways so much more functional than I – expressed such sincere appreciation and admiration for me and my non-mainstream life I felt utterly astounded, and deeply touched. 

I realized how accustomed I had become to both viewing myself and being viewed negatively for not being able to function effectively in mainstream society – not being able to work, not doing well when surrounded by more concrete than wild nature, not doing well in noisy or busy places, or under tight deadlines, having limited social energy, etc.  It felt so comforting and affirming to be around so many other people who also find such things unusually challenging – or distasteful – even if they were better able to function than I within them.  I’ve also not been around that many people at one time ever for whom the idea of living simply in a cabin in the woods is as appealing as a chosen lifestyle, that was pretty neat too!  I am so grateful for having had the opportunity to experience such deep fellowship, and in such a beautiful place, and to be able to stay in contact with them.

I stayed on a couple days after the Gathering ended to do some extra hiking and nature photography there in splendid Rocky Mountain National Park, and I hope to get some of those photos posted here soon.

More photos I took while kayaking – both of Lake Ontario – taken today and yesterday, respectively.  It feels so wonderful to get out on the water, gliding through grey or paddling through blue!  I am feeling completely overwhelmed right now by a project I am trying to do, so it is a blissful break to remember how it felt to be rising and falling so slowly and gently this morning with the subtle pulsation of Lake Ontario at rest, like a direct connection with the heartbeat of the earth.


A seagull takes flight in a silent world of silver and grey.

A moments rest amid the rippling blues.

I am continuing to have a very nice visit with my parents here in their home by the shore of Lake Ontario.  I feel extremely fortunate both to have a wonderful relationship with them, and to have the opportunity to spend significant amounts of time with them despite our living about 18-20 hours apart.  They visit me in the Missouri Ozarks as often as they can, and I drive out to with my critters to their home in the Rochester, New York area for 2 month-long visits a year.

Due to my Mom’s allergies and severe asthma, my critters (May the dog and Abe the cat) stay in the basement, the pet-friendly zone of the house, which is also where I sleep and have my desk and computer setup.  The basement is finished and furnished, and easily exceeds the size of my cabin.  Because this house is built into a very steep hill, the basement has nice big windows and a sliding glass door all facing the lake, so it feels very light and airy and we can step directly outside from here onto the grassy hillside. 

I love observing the lake (Lake Ontario) here by my parents’ home.  It is an incredibly massive body of water  and stretches out so deeply and broadly that it reminds me of the ocean.  I particularly enjoy how varied the colors of the sky and water can appear depending on time of day and atmospheric conditions.  The color value of the water ranges widely from quite dark to soft pastel shades, and the hue is so often a blend which might include blues, greys, silvers, turquoises, greens, browns, and goldens, even pinks.  The sky, so intimately connected with the water, has a similarly broad range of dark and light values of blues, greys, reds, pinks, oranges, peaches, yellows, and goldens.  And then of course there are the clouds, or the lack thereof!

It amazes me how quickly the lake can change from crashing waves pounding into the rocky shoreline to a gentle quiet lapping; from being a calm reflecting pool to an ocean of whitecaps as far as the eye can see; and anywhere in between.  Some days the water is so clear I can see details down on the bottom, and other days it is totally opaque and it seems that light, let alone vision, hardly penetrates the surface of the water.  There have been several days over my time here when I have seen the lake spewing up a disgusting, foul-smelling sludge-like substance that forms layers thick and heavy enough to scoop with a snow shovel.  Fortunately however, there have been more days over my time here when the breaking waves have deposited only the occasional bits of very healthy-looking seaweed or algae, and the water then is clear and inviting.

One of the things that I have so enjoyed about this visit is that I have been well enough to help my parents with a number of projects they needed assistance with, and I have been able to help A., my best friend from high school unpack and settle into her new apartment here.  It makes me feel good when I can help others. 

Here are a couple photos…

This one is of my Mom and Dad at their booth in her first art show this summer.  She makes wonderful mandalas out of her photographs, one of my favorites is the one in front on the left which she created from a photo of a jellyfish.  I helped with the show set up and take down, and my Dad helped Mom man the booth during the show. 


From l to r here is me, my Mom, and A. during a break from unpacking in A.’s new apartment.  It is a really nice place and I think she will enjoy her new home.  I am excited that she will be living in Rochester again so I can see her too when I visit my folks.

Here we are at my folks’ home: May the dog, Abe the cat, and me.

As you can see, I have not yet mastered the art of keeping a level horizon in my photos from a rocking and rolling kayak in a wavy Lake Ontario.  But, except for the truth-telling glimpse of sky, the front of my kayak sure looks almost level, don’t you think?

Compared to the calm reflecting pool the lake was when I went kayaking the other day, winds whipped the water into great activity yesterday.  Still quite beautiful, just in a different way.  Here are two photos I took.

I am quite relieved to report that my outlook on life is notably improved today, buoyed in large part by improved water quality in the lake here (at least temporarily!) which inspired me to get out there for some communing with nature via kayaking.  Here are a few photos I took to share… 

The water was extremely calm today, and I found the clarity of the
water along the undeveloped coastline quite stunning in comparison to
what I have been seeing nearer where my parents live.

Along the way I got to observe several Great Blue Herons, a couple
cormorants, many seagulls, and a few fish going about their day.

It was a cool, overcast day and the sky and the water seemed to fade
silently into each other giving off an otherworldly awareness and a
deep sense of peace.  I am so grateful for Grandmother Earth.  Love and blessings to all!

Wow, well once again I realize time has flown by between my xanga posts.  May (the dog), Abie (the cat) and I are in the midst of a month long visit to my parents’, near Rochester, NY.  It has been wonderful spending time with them, though I sorely miss living in the forest with daily swims in the river.  Being here makes me appreciate all the more the awesome wonder of the relatively pristine rivers and springs around me in the Missouri Ozarks, and the pleasure of immersion in the river with the rich collection of aquatic inhabitants. 

Here in western NY we can see and access Lake Ontario from my folks’ home, but due to pollution swimming in the lake is frequently prohibited and streams and creeks in the region also face significant pollution.  It worries me that it might only be a matter of time before Ozarks streams become unswimmable too.  I feel so much sadness, and at times great anger, that we so often destroy so much of what – to me – is so wonderful about this planet.  It is so easy in our modern society to distance ourselves from nature and to forget that in the long run destroying the natural world could easily mean destroying ourselves. 

It seems to me that our tendency to inhabit climate-controlled concrete jungles and to view the natural world as a collection of disposable resources available for our exploitation and consumption leads readily to detachment from nature, or was it the other way around?  Detachment from the concept that we are part of nature and that by adopting a mindset of greater stewardship we could greatly increase our chances for sustainability of the natural world for our own futures, as well as for the wonders of nature for nature’s sake, and the miracle of balanced ecosystems we humans too readily disrupt or destroy.

It’s late for me, I’m rambling and can’t corral my thoughts any further, but that’s what came up for now.  It really upsets me what has happened to the earth at the hands of humans.  Uggghh.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel more optimistic.